A Bum Deal

Chilean defender and former Premier League star Gonzalo Jara has joined Neymar as the second player to be banned from this year's Copa America - but the two incidents are fairly different, to say the least. 

The Barcelona forward Neymar kicked a ball at Pablo Armero after Brazil's group game defeat to Columbia, headbutted another, and insulted the referee. Jara stuck a finger up Edinson Cavani's rear-end. Cavani received a second yellow card after reacting with the slightest of touches, which obviously floored Jara. The Chilean's club, Mainz, have been so disgruntled by Jara's unique approach to football that they want to get rid of him over the summer. Any offer for a close-marking defender may be limited though. 

Strange as Jara's dismissal to the competition is, he does have previous when it comes to getting hands-on whilst defending - if you can call it defending. In 2013, the former West Brom man seem to grab Luis Suarez' manhood. The incident happened in the box right next to Jara's latest victim Cavani - so maybe the Uruguayan shouldn't be so surprised. 

The Chilean's first target to rub the wrong way was Napoli's hitman Gonzalo Higuain a year prior to what the YouTube video so elegantly entitled: 'Chilean Jara grabs Suarez dick.'  

The incident was uploaded to YouTube by 'Tails More Beautiful' - maybe it was Jara himself? 

Jara's probing is one of a few bizarre occurrences during this summer's South American tournament as other incidents include Arturo Vidal's car crash, Neymar losing it Joey Barton style, Cavani's father's fatal accident with a cyclist, and now Jara just being an odd man himself. 

Can we even blame Sepp Blatter for this one? #kickfingeringoutoffootball

Anyway, I present to you, Gonzalo Jara: 

The Review Of Liverpool’s Bought In English Striker

Danny Ings has become the tenth English striker sign for Liverpool since the Premier League was born back in 92 – but how will he fare against his other compatriots?

The Kop has seen some great strikers over the years: Hunt, St John, Rush, Fowler, Owen, and even the main man himself, Neil Mellor. Merseyside has produced some blistering and free-scoring English forwards, but rarely have signed one. From Stewart to Sturridge, Collymore to Carroll, here’s the verdict on how well English signings have done.

Rickie Lambert 2014-present

Lambert was the latest English signing for Liverpool before Ings, but life at his boyhood club hasn’t been so sweet. The former beetroot-packer signed from Southampton after a magical campaign for club and country. But two goals last season for Liverpool makes him a firm favorite to be one of many heading out of Brendan Rogers’ plans. The romantic move has been far from a fairytale, but he is now being linked with a move to Villa, Palace and bizarrely, league champions Chelsea.

Daniel Sturridge 2013-present

Sturridge made an explosive start to his Liverpool career. He scored on his debut, his league debut, and he scored his third goal on his full debut. The following season, he became the first Liverpool player to score in seven consecutive league matches. His formidable SAS understanding with Suárez saw him score 21 league goals and firing Liverpool to second. He’s been clinical when he plays, but persistent injuries may hamper his chances of improving his 35 goals in 55 appearances tally.

Andy Carroll 2011-2013

Liverpool received £50 million for Fernando Torres in 2011, and what did they spend the bulk of that on? A wild Any Carroll to be Liverpool’s new number nine for the extortionate fee of £35 million. Carroll’s goal-getting prowess at Anfield was thin as he notched a mere six goals for the club in 44 competitive matches. Carroll was shipped out on loan to West Ham for the year and subsequently managed to clinch a £15 million transfer to the East End of London.

Robbie Fowler 1993-2001 & 2006-2007

Produced by, made by, sold by, and bought back on a free transfer by Liverpool. Fowler (or God if you’re on the red side of Merseyside) was elevated to, well, a God-like status in his first stint at the club scoring 120 times. He then moved to Leeds and had a go at Manchester City but the prodigal son returned.   His debut saw his overhead-kick chalked off but he did managed three league goals – bizarrely, all penalties against Sheffield United. However, he was a shadow of his former self.

Peter Crouch 2005-2008

Crouch was the original freakishly built English striker to sign for Liverpool in 2005. Crouch didn’t notch a goal in his first four months at Anfield and he was being heavily scrutinised by the press.  But then came the 3^rd December, his first goal which took a wicked deflection which then looped over the hapless Kirkland. He notched a second against Wigan to make sure he was up and running. He scored 22 goals, which included a memorable ‘perfect hattrick’ and a stunning overhead-kick. 

Emile Heskey 2000-2004

Emile William Ivanoe Heskey signed for Liverpool for £11 million and Liverpool striking royalty Ian Rush said he would give the team a “different dimension.” Houllier said he was looking forward to working with the ex-Leicester City man chirping “at his age he is not the finished product yet.” At 37-years of age playing in the Championship, he still isn’t. But in his second season he did score 22 goals in all competition in a season that saw Liverpool secure a historic treble.

Stan Collymore 1995-1999

In 1995, Collymore was signed for an English record fee of £8.5 million from Nottingham Forest. ‘Stan the Man’ did his best to repay the faith and in his two years at Anfield he bagged a goal every 2.5 matches. He became part of a lethal partnership with Fowler and at the end of his first campaign, the pair scored 55 goals between them. Several off-field problems tainted his tenure but he will always be remembered for scoring the winner against Newcastle in the most entertaining match in Premier League history.

 Nigel Clough 1993-1996

The son of perhaps the most iconic English manager in history, Clough junior joined Liverpool the season after he was Forest’s top goal-scorer. Again, Liverpool spent a relatively large fee for that time to secure the services of Clough. He scored twice on his debut against Sheffield Wednesday but he only managed a further five goals in 39 appearances. He then returned to Forest on loan and then Wednesday on loan before spending 10 years at Burton Albion as player-manager.

Paul Stewart 1992-1996

Stewart was the first of ten English Prem strikers bought to Anfield but it almost didn’t happen. In the summer of 92, there was speculation that he was joining either the red or blue side of Manchester. But he signed for a fee of £2.3 million but only managed one league goal in four years, against Sheffield United (they love to score in Sheffield these boys don’t they?), as injuries and up-and coming strikers came in. On a bright note, he did notch a brace in the European Winners’ Cup first leg against the mighty Apollon Limassol – a feat that the great Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey could have done! Well, probably not actually… 

Celebrity Coups

Snow Patrol’s frontman Gary Lightbody fulfilled a boyhood dream of any youngster by training with his country’s first-team. He said it was "one of the best days ever" but conceded that his performance was “not great.” Lightbody may have trained with his Northern Irish squad, but some celebrities have gone a step further and ventured into the world of professional football.

Another Direction

One Direction member Louis Tomlinson played for his beloved Doncaster Rovers and joined on ‘non-contract terms’ after impressing in a charity match at the Keepmoat Stadium. "It's unbelievable really. I have been a massive football fan for a long time.” He was fairly happy. But it was short-lived after putting in a sub-par performance in a reserves game and the singer hasn’t played for them since. Tomlinson tried to take-over the club with former chairman John Ryan but it fell through. But being in the world’s biggest boyband isn’t a bad back-up plan.

Quick, sign him up!

The most recent celebrity joining a professional club is former X-Factor and I’m a Celeb man Jake Quickenden. The 26-year-old has been offered trials and contracts from non-league giants Gainsborough Trinity but he has turned them down. Reason? His agent said he’s "far too busy focusing on his music and presenting work" to take up the offer. But luckily for fans of Saturday night television and Gainsborough Trinity (to which there are many) Quickenden has agreed to play the majority of their pre-season matches.

Boisterous Beefy

Sir Ian Botham, English cricketing hero, part-time football league centre-half. Beefy showed his versatility with bat, ball, and another larger sized ball when he joined Yeovil Town in 1978. At that stage, he already established himself as an international test cricketer. After 17 appearances and one goal for The Glovers, Beefy moved to Scunthorpe United where he played a further 11 matches in the football league. Botham showed his sporting ability whether it was blistering the Aussies in the Ashes or barging attackers off the ball.

So Solid Performance

Thought Botham was a jack-of-all-trades? Try MC Harvey who’s been a rapper with So Solid Crew, a solo artist, performed at the West End, had a television career and even tried his hand and feet as a footballer. He’s played for various non-league teams including AFC Wimbledon, Aldershot Town, Lewes and in 2007 he signed for Conference South outfit St Albans City. However, Alesha Dixon’s former husband quit football as he couldn’t pencil it into his busy diary.

International Royale

The Royale Family and Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps actor Ralph Little has played five differet semi-professional teams and even has three international caps. He played for the Sealand national football team that isn’t a member of FIFA or UEFA – but it is something to boast when you’re in the pub having two pints of lager and a packet of crisps. The Man United supporter has turned out for Staines Town, Maidstone United. Edgware Town, Chertsey Town and Stone Dominoes. A fine little career Ralph had.

An Olympic Effort

The gold medal decathlon winner Daley Thompson enjoyed a stint in football as quick as his 100m efforts. After he stopped making Lucozade adverts and retired from athletics due to a hammy problem, Thompson pulled the jerseys of Mansfield Town, Stevenage Borough F.C and Ikeston F.C. But after his short run-out in non-league football, Daley became a fitness coach for Wimbledon and Luton Town. It’s safe to say that his Olympic triumphs outweigh his footballing career.

Rowdy Rivalries: The Sarajevo Derby

The Sarajevo Derby in the capital of Bosnia and Herzegovina is one of the most underrated and fiercest rivalry in the world; perhaps because everything is so hard to spell over there! The derby is between Bosnia’s most popular and loved clubs, FK Željezničar Sarajevo and FK Sarajevo; and they hate each other. 

The rivalry kicked off in 1946 when new boys on the block, Željezničar, nicked all of Sarajevo best players to form their new team; then gave them all a higher wage and luxurious suits (look what you could start, Raheem). Ever since, the derbies are full of flares, explosions, fan marches and ultras.

At the start of the season that has just finished, 15 people, who included three police officers, were badly injured. Due to flares being thrown and clashes between both sets of fans, people sustained head injuries, burns, and some rowdy fans even felt the full effects of teargas.

This all happened in the first 45 minutes and the second half also had to be delayed due more fireworks being set off and the mass amount of smoke in the air. The match ended in a 1-2 defeat for Željezničar which proved costly as they lost the league to their rivals by, you guessed it, three points.

Their second derby of the season came when Sarajevo topped the Premier Liga table by a slender one point with three games remaining. The match itself didn’t produce a bang but there certainly were explosions of passion and intensity in the heart of Bosnia.

Sarajevo is not know for churning out quality players but Manchester City striker and Bosnian top goal scorer Edin Dzeko is the one noticeable products. Dzeko’s alliances laid with Željezničar but he wasn’t he Edin we see today; he operated more as a central midfielder but was considered too tall and lack the technical ability. After 40 games and only five goals, Dzeko departed to Czech side Teplice.

But what the two Sarajevo sides lack in quality, they certainly make up for it in a stellar and quite often scary rivalry.

Football's Craziest

Ayanda Gcaba

Position Defender Age 29

Nationality South African Club Orlando Pirates

The once-capped Bafana-Bafana star loves a bit of controversy; whether it’s a sex scandal involving a student and a confused teammate, or speeding and missing court appearances, Gcaba seems to be at the epicentre of trouble. On the 20^th of March this year, the South African press reported that the commanding centre-half was arrested after he was caught speeding and was asked to appear in court; but he never turned up. It was later revealed that he missed the court date due to him joining the national team training. Pirates’ spokesperson, Mickey Modisane, said: “He was supposed to communicate this with SAFA and the courts but he failed to do so. It was ignorance on his part.”

Whilst Gcaba was missing his court date, he proved to be just as elusive to his teammates; in particular, Themba Zwane. The pair had been sending some rather forward WhatsApp messages and they didn't know they were messaging the same girl. The revelation hit home when the young student told South African papers the story. Oh yeah, she’s also dating Kaizer Chiefs player Chris Matombo!

“I hope I did enough to deserve the coach’s trust” Keep dreaming, Ayanda. 

Top 10 players turned politicians: heard about the PM on Football Manager?

Sol Campbell’s recent decision to run for Mayor of London isn't the first venture into politics by a former footballer.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the ex-Tottenham, Arsenal and England stopper has announced he'll be bidding to take his "lovely banter" to replace BoJo at City Hall in 2016. But plenty of players past and present have had a crack at politics before him, with varying degrees of success...

The Colombian candidate

The iconically-coiffed Carlos Valderamma is now rubbing shoulders with besuited bigwigs in his native country, standing as a candidate in the national elections. Representing the U Party, the Colombian hero is full of confidence.

“Having played so many games with Colombia’s national team, this time I’m going to play the best game of my life with the U Party for the country’s Senate,” he chirped. 

Wilmot’s woes

Current national team manager and Belgium’s top goalscorer at World Cups, Marc Wilmots, had a relatively unsuccessful stint in Belgian politics. After hanging up his boots in 2003, Wilmots was elected to the Senate that same year for French-speaking liberal party Mouvement Réformateur (MR).

But the Bull of Dongeleberg, as he's apparently called in Belgian football, resigned in 2005 against tradition. Suffice to say, he's probably better suited to steering Belgium to the Euros next summer.

Don’t mess with Lilian

Lilian Thuram has pretty much won everything that he’s ever been involved in - even a debate with the future French president. In 2005, the then UMP leader Nicolas Sarkozy took on Thuram in a national television debate where he labelled kids from the French ghettos as “scum”. The former right-back replied to the right-winger in typical no-nonsense fashion: “I’m no scum.” 

Two years later, the freshly-minted President Sarkozy offered the World Cup winner a role as Minister of Diversity. Thuram declined.   

Weah cleverer than you, George

In 2005, shortly after the end of the Second Liberian Civil War, 1995 Ballon D’or winner George Weah announced his intentions to run for presidency in Liberia. But popular as he was in his native homeland, the opposition cited him as an inexperienced politician with no education and labelled him “babe in the woods”. Weah lost to the Harvard-educated Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, but in 2014 he beat her son Robert to the Senate of Congress for Democratic Change. Congratulations, George - babe of the woods no more.

From Russia with political views

Not many people could juggle the demands of being a Premier League striker and a politician, but Roman Pavlyuchenko gave it a try. In 2007, the year before joining Tottenham, the Russian hitman secured a seat in his hometown of Stavropol for Vladimir Putin’s United Russia Party (as if having Harry Redknapp as your other boss wasn't scary enough).

A Russian football commentator claimed the only reason Pavlyuchenko took to politics was because “the international financial crises affected his wages”. He managed more votes than goals, though.

Arsh in the Kremlin

Pav's comatriot and North London rival Andrey Arshavin also had a pop at scoring a political job in Russia – but somewhat familiarly for Arsenal fans, he missed. The ex-Russia captain also ran for Putin’s party in 2007 in the regional council elections, but unlike Pavlychenko, Arshavin decided to focus fully on football and withdrew himself before the votes could be casted. 

Oleh!

Confounding the old saying, Oleh Blokhin is a jack of all trades and master of one or two. The record goalscorer for Dynamo Kiev and the Soviet Union became the first manager to get Ukraine to a major finals and even found time to be elected into the country's parliament. The sexegenarian was voted in with the Hromada party in 1998 while being a member of the Communist Party of Ukraine. And they say men can't multi-task. 

Laws of the game

Thomas Bodström played in Sweden’s top tier for AIK Stockholm for two seasons before graduating from Stockholm University with a Bachelor of Laws degree. The son of a former politician was named as the Minister for Justice in 2000 and held the post for six years, made even more impressive thanks to the fact that he wasn’t even an MP.

You’re fired!

Grzegorz Lato, the 1974 World Cup Golden Boot winner, boasts a century of Poland caps and bagged 45 goals for the national team. He also entered the political cauldron in 2001 as senator for the Democratic Left Alliance Party before taking on the role as president for the Polish FA. In that role, he sacked Dutch coach Leo Beenhaker live on television after Poland's failure to qualify for the 2010 World Cup via a 3-0 defeat to Slovenia. Ouch. 

Football Manager PM

Viktor Orban played amateur football for his local team Felcsut FC in Hungary. He has been the Prime Minister since 2010, his second term after holding the post from 1998-2002. But he didn’t let running a country get in his way of playing and, on the fringes of Felcsut in 2001, cancelled a cabinet meeting to play for them. Fans of Football Manager 2006 might recognise the name - he was available for transfer if you fancied a Prime Minister shoring up your backline.